This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that we will explain, using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus checkwisely: Ifyou spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go toChina.
If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.
If youpurchase a computer, it will go to China.
If you purchase fruit andvegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless youbuy organic).
If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.
If you purchaseuseless crap, it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit cards off,it will go to bank management bonuses, and they will hide it more. Samewith stock investment.
Instead, you can keep the money in America byspending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spending it onbeer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the onlyAmerican businesses still operating in the US.