“Advice” columnist shocked (Wish we’d seen this sooner. — Ed)
By Carolyn Hax
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Dear Carolyn:(Contact her here)
Some friends of mine had been talking up this guy they thought wouldbe perfect for me, so I finally went on a blind date with him. It turnsout he’s black, and while I am NOT racist and have no problem withinterracial dating in general, it’s not for me. I just prefer to datewhite guys.
I told my friends why I wouldn’t be seeing him again, and they were,shockingly, horrified. Did I miss something here? I know interracialdating is more prevalent now than it used to be, but I didn’t realizeit was SO common that you get in trouble if you don’t want to do it. Ifigured if I’m the one who needs a kick in the pants, you’re theperfect person to give it to me. But I’m hoping you’ll tell me I’mright, that no one should have to date anyone they don’t want to.
Sacramento
Carolyn Hax replies:
You’re right — no one should have to date anyone s/he doesn’t want to.
And your friends are right, too — they shouldn’t have to pretendthey’re not horrified by something they find morally repugnant.
And you’re right, interracial dating is more prevalent now, but its prevalence here is the cart; the issue here is the horse.
More people date interracially because more people realize that theonly alternative to being racist is to judge each person as a person.
Your decision not to date this man wasn’t about his character orlack thereof, it wasn’t about his sex appeal or lack thereof, it wasn’tabout his intellect or lack thereof, it wasn’t about his sense of humoror lack thereof, it wasn’t about his work ethic or lack thereof, itwasn’t about shared history or lack thereof, it wasn’t about his goalsor lack thereof, it wasn’t about his compatibility or lack thereof.
To your credit, you’re owning your opinion; all you had to say was thatyou didn’t find him attractive, and this conversation doesn’t happen.
However: We’re having this conversation because you didn’t find his race attractive. That’s what racism is.